Just had a thought
…
and it’s crystal CLEAR
!!!
All my life I’ve read ‘motivational’ snippets…EVERYWHERE. I’ve loved MOST.
Within the very MOMENT, I would assert myself to be stronger, better, happier, tougher… until something happens to test my new resolve/philosophy and I’m dead in the water again. I wondered why NONE of these profound teachings never took.
Tonight I realised something, in fact, it was more of an AWAKENING than a mere realisation.
AGE is a strange, but AMAZING master.
It REALLY is. I awakened to the realization that I’ve failed dismally over the course of my life trying to adopt THOUSANDS of these quotes.
It’s NOW dawned on me, one needs a FEW things to come about or to be in place in order to bring about either a moderate or PROFOUND change to ones life.
1) MATURITY ( in ADDITION to the years behind you. Btw AGE and MATURITY is NOT the same thing)…
… a focused and honest maturity. You need to face, accept and firmly denounce your bullshit. You need to acknowledge and accept, no matter how OBSTINATE you might be (btw, I invented STUBBORN) that you’re an obstacle in your own way to progress / happiness / growth / success, WHATEVER. AGEING will do that for you. You wake up one day and you’re REALLY NOT IMPRESSED by anyone’s bullshitty ‘sparkle and/or fluff’ INCLUDING…. 
YOUR OWN!!
AGEING calms you down, stills you, helps you filter and sort. You become more circumspect about people, stuff, situations… you declutter and become LIGHTER, because you simply LACK the physical, psychological and spiritual strength to weigh yourself down with neither your own and DEFINITELY NOT other peoples shyt. So you travel LIGHT(er) and it’s WONDERFULLY freeing.
2) SELF ACCEPTANCE
In April this year I woke up one morning, grabbed my clippers and shaved all my hair off…2cm brushcut!! I haven’t had hair that short in DECADES!! Once done, I had a mild breakdown, but what was done, was done. My hair has grown much since then healthier, stronger, better, chemical free, colour free, styling aids free. I’ve all my life used PRODUCT in fact I’m OBSESSED with PRODUCT – skin, hair, body whatever PRODUCT and for the better part of my life, I’ve spent fortunes on the stuff and my grooming. Since April, brushing my teeth, a bath, shampoo and nail clipping is my self care regime. My PRODUCTS are ‘clean’, NATURAL, chemical and colour free. My skin has never been better. Why am I telling you this? Forget my hair and/or skin. I’ve STOPPED caring about how I’m seen / perceived / appreciated or not. NOTHING arrogant or vaguely militant, just again an AWAKENING. Impressing the masses – TOO MUCH WORK, UTTERLY INCONSEQUENTIAL and damn EXHAUSTING. In fairness, MOST of the pressure I felt, I realise was self inflicted, some genuinely imposed. Anyway, my MOST PROFOUND realisation, I GREW TIRED OF APOLOGISING FOR WHO I AM. I grew tired of sending out a ‘representative’ of myself in order to gain acceptance and approval. I grew tired of making others feel MORE comfortable with me than I feel about them!! To be TRULY ACCEPTING OF oneself is -again- WONDERFULLY freeing. Who would’ve thought I’d grow a beard?? I STILL don’t know how I feel about THAT, but I’m taking my time deciding. Now, I might straighten and colour the shit out of this head again ( whatever hair is left), the same way I rarely feel the need to dress up and go for the jugular, but my motivation to do these things is different and THAT’S AWESOME.
3) WATCH THAT DIAL!!
What do I mean?
Feeling better about myself in relation to the world, I’m happy I’m STILL mindful of others. I have no issue politely telling anyone to back off (even in STRONGER terms), but I’m CONSTANTLY aware that my comfort with self, DOESN’T mean I cause discomfort to someone else. I thus ALWAYS ‘watch my dial’. Growing up or more honestly AGEING makes one softer, nicer, kinder, but a firm ‘fck-off’ is close at hand for the occasional delinquent 
. Someone is ALWAYS out to push ones boundaries when you’re going through your gradual, but necessary metamorphosis. In fact they now come out of the woodwork.
Your personal growth MAY be a TERRIBLE INCONVENIENCE to many. You might end up with a few brand spanking new labels like ‘ unreasonable’, ‘crazy’, ‘difficult’, ‘drama queen’ and a popular question ‘ WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE’.
Unlike when I was ‘greener’, I now DO push back and I’m an equal opportunity ‘offender’ – family, associates, friends. Try your luck at my expense?… NOT on my street you don’t
Those who love and REALLY support you will be there in the morning. The REST, well…
SO, as I AGE, I can now read motivational quotes AND REALLY INTERNALIZE and APPLY these pearls of wisdom to my life. The application is NOT fraught with anxiety, fear or apprehension. Succinctly put, IT’S EFFORTLESS!
Why?
I’m cuter, plumper, wiser. I know stuff. I’ve seen stuff. I’ve experienced era’s and more stuff. I’ve seen change, technologically, politically, socially. I’ve earned my stripes. I’m no ones plaything, not anyone else’s nor MY OWN. I CAN HAVE FUN THOUGH, but my kinda fun. I’m taking delivery of me, the REAL me and it’s wonderful to FINALLY own something of VALUE, YOURSELF!! It’s wonderful owning your thoughts, your desires, your sexuality, your spirituality, your decisions, your actions, your values and other codes. It’s shocking discovering how much power you just relinquished to others because you had NO CLUE of your innate value. It’s WONDERFUL taking it back WITHOUT EXCUSE OR APOLOGY. IT WAS NEVER THEIRS TO HAVE in the first place, SO TAKE IT BACK WITHOUT CEREMONY. You learn the difference between being ACCOUNTABLE for your actions and JUSTIFYING yourself to people. Before you even THINK of doing the latter, you realise you have CHOICE and RIGHTS, so you DON’T.
You lose your hysteria, you choose your battles, you smile at fools. Being HYSTERICAL is sooo unattractive, it’s like blowing your nose in your sleeve. I truly weep for disrespecting and abusing myself so profoundly.
I’m of another generation even though my spirit and soul takes a DEEP and FREQUENT dunk in all things RIDICULOUSLY silly from time to time. Even I SOMETIMES think I’m as mad as a march hare and might benefit from a padded room for a DAY.
Yes, I’m damn OLDER, and occasionally a little crankier
.
I do think I’m GENERALLY ‘nice’ 
though..
… and that’s just FABULOUS!!
) Before this, we had a tight knit community of crop farmers and game farmers who spent Christmas together, had New Year’s parties together and had the 6 monthy “opskop” at Oom Paul’s farm (now known as Nirox).
